I was sitting amongst a group of high school students, in the front row of about ten, and so I could easily hear the mumblings and grumblings of the forty or fifty students behind me. On this particular evening, the students were being asked to volunteer to read some scripture that was projected on a big screen in front of them. Acting like typical high schoolers, very few wanted to volunteer. There was one boy, however, that raised his hand at nearly every opportunity offered. As he read more and more words, I noticed that he had a slight speech impediment. By slight, I mean that you could easily understand what he was saying but you could definitely notice that some letters weren't pronounced correctly. In my mind I applauded this boy for volunteering so many times, even though it was difficult for him to read through the sentences without stumbling over words. For the other high school students, though, his struggle was simply bait for criticism and ridicule. Thankfully, their gestures were mumbled under their breath and I don't think this boy ever noticed, although I'm sure he's had his fair share of embarrassment and hurt in the past. In the setting of a church youth group I was appalled that these students could still be so harsh, which left me wondering what the environment at his school must be like for him.
I suppose I'm a little hyper-sensitive to this topic due to the recent events of the last few years of my life. It's a no-brainer that Cale will endure the same criticism and ridicule I witnessed last night. He will be teased and laughed at and I'm sure there will be people that pass him by without even noticing his existence. This pains me only because I know that even though Cale will appear to be different, he's just like any other kid on the inside. He has emotions and will undoubtedly be hurt by the taunting and teasing of his peers. As his mom, it will take supernatural self-control not to lash out at these people. Like I've said before, I dread the day when Cale asks me why he is different from the other kids at his school. How do you convince a child that God is good even through the stares, mocking, and torture that they deal with on a daily basis?
One thing that is near impossible for me to admit is that I easily could have been one of those high schoolers making fun of the boy who kept volunteering to read. I vividly remember seeing and being around students with disabilities and waking on eggshells around them, thinking that they were somehow less human than I. I specifically remember a boy who was in my class from second grade until I graduated with him. He stuttered...a lot. It sometimes took him a whole minute to get past one word. My friends and I avoided him and would often poke fun when he was called on to read aloud in class. We were cruel, plain and simple. I never did any of this to his face but I'm positive he noticed our jeers.
To the defense of the high school students I was around last night, they probably just don't know any better. It took having a child with a disability of my own that ended up changing my heart. Which leads me to a long list of things that Cale has taught me during the short two years I have known him. I want to list just a few of those things below:
- He's taught me to be far less judgmental. Every person has a story behind them and rather than pass them off without another thought, my heart fills with compassion instead of judgment.
- He's taught me not to sweat the small stuff. So what if a child learns to walk at ten months and another learns to walk at eighteen months. Just be thankful they can walk. And heaven forbid a baby isn't weened of the bottle at exactly a year. They will eventually kick the habit when all of their peers in kindergarten start teasing.
- He's taught me how to grieve and yet still hold hope for tomorrow.
- He's taught me that perseverance and determination are two very important qualities for reaching your goals.
- He's taught me that having the mindset of "I think I can, I think I can, I think can" really does work.
- He's taught me that love won't always heal all wounds.
- He's taught me that I'm much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
- He's taught me that a marriage can easily turn ugly without God in it.
- He's taught me to fully appreciate the term "healthy".
- He's taught me the importance of listening when someone is suffering.
- He's taught me that I have God-given gifts that I never even knew about.
- He's taught me what unconditional love looks like in human form.
- He's taught me what "fearing the Lord" is.
- He's taught me that in the midst of suffering, there truly is a rainbow waiting for us on the other side.
- He's taught me that God has even wackier plans than I originally thought.
- He's taught me that I should never underestimate the power of family and friends.
- He's taught me that grief comes and goes but the pain never does. Just because someone might have lost a loved one ten, twenty, or thirty years ago doesn't mean the pain still doesn't live with them.
I really could go on and on. Cale has enriched our lives in so many, crazy ways. I still don't know what God has in store for him and maybe never will, but I do know that He is using the situation we're in for good. I'll never find myself not wishing that Cale were normal but I am grateful for him and for the fact that he's made me a better person.
I'm also proud to say that I'm confident he's made every person he's come in contact with a better person, too.
