Okay, I apologize that it's taken me five weeks to update the ol' blog. Let it be known, however, that I have thought about posting many, many times. I've even sat down and started to write at least a dozen different instances. The hangup inevitably occurs when I decide to lay Cash down. <gasp!> Yes, this baby hates to leave my arms and I must admit, I'm kind of smitten with him and so I generally try not to complain too much about his incessant need to be held. He's content in his swing, for the time being, and so I'll try and knock out a quick update our new life as a family of five.
I think the best way to sum it up can be found in my response when a friend asked me how it was going with three kids. My answer: I love it.
I'm not sure I was able to convey my anxiety and trepidation over his arrival very well in writing. Before Cash was born I was scared beyond belief of what adding another child would do to our family, and more selfishly of what it would do to me. Raising two kids is a challenge for me, especially when one of those kids requires special care that I feel like I am the only one capable of giving. I'm terrible at asking for help and so when life gets hard I feel like I'm getting sucked under water and dragged out to sea by the undertow. How on earth was I going to manage a newborn?
When I was in labor and my doctor told me I was at nine centimeters and almost ready to push, amidst the pain and exhaustion of labor, I remember thinking that my life was about to change; a new life was minutes away from turning my whole world upside down. I was scared. I was asking myself why I ever thought another child seemed like a good idea. I was looking at Alex and thinking, "You did this to me!". But then he was born. And then he cried. And after he was laid on my chest and I caught my very first glimpse at him, I was in love. He was perfect.
Adjusting to three kids has been nothing short of amazing. Sure, life is a bit more crazy and it takes me half the day to get ready to go anywhere, but being a mom of three could quite possibly be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.
I get asked all the time how it's going with three kids and the person asking me usually has this grimace on their face as they wait for my reply, as if I'm going to breakdown in a heap of tears and they're going to have to comfort me after I tell them how awful and exhausting it is, but then I love the look of shock on their faces after I tell them how much I love it and how wonderful it is.
I have to admit, though, I'm just as shocked as they are. After we brought Cale home from the hospital I was completely overwhelmed and paranoid about every. aspect. of parenting.. After we brought Riley home I was a total mess and couldn't stop crying for days. This time around, though, I'm genuinely happy and so very grateful.
I guess third time's a charm.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
back to basics
I spent the horribly long winter months wishing them away. I longed for Summer and for the freedom of being able to play outdoors. I was sick and tired of wasting thirty minutes of my day making sure coats were zipped, hats were on, gloves were secured, and boots were tied. Winter in Missoula was six long months of constant overcast and record snowfall. Thankfully Summer finally arrived, the snow melted away and the sun started to shine. Along with Summer, however, came the rude reminder of why disabilities suck.
I've refused to acknowledge my feelings of bitterness and sadness towards Cale's disability for the last year or so. It does me no good to dwell on it because the truth of the matter is that it is what it is and there is not one thing I can do to change it. I would become a miserable person if I spent each and every one of my days being sad or angry over the life I have been dealt as Cale's mom.
This morning, however, I was pushed to my breaking point.
A group of ladies, who also happen to be some of my closest and dearest girlfriends, have been meeting on Thursday mornings for the past few years as part of a bible study through our church. Cale's speech therapy has always been during the times they meet and so I have never been able to attend. This year, even though the official bible study broke for the summer, a certain group decided to meet privately at a house to keep the fellowship and spiritual growth moving. Knowing that I've never been able to come, they worked hard to change the time to accommodate me. Today was my first day.
To give you a peek into my thoughts going into something like this I think some background is appropriate. I become very anxious doing things like this for myself when I know I'll have to bring my kids along. On one side of the coin I see the need and importance of being around other Christian women who are in a similar stage of life as myself. I think fellowship is critical and having friends around to encourage and guide me is priceless. On the flip side, however, I am faced with the guilt of leaving my kids, Cale in particular, with a babysitter. I play mind games with myself that always give me an excuse of why I shouldn't go, such as "The person watching all the kids doesn't know Cale and since he can't keep up with all the other kids he is eventually going to latch onto the babysitter, she won't know what to do with him so I'll end up keeping him with me and then I won't be able to focus on the bible study so I probably shouldn't even go." I give myself every reason in the book to stay at home. Home is comfortable. Home is familiar. Home is where Cale feels most secure and safe. Home is where Cale is understood. Outside, in the real world, is unknown. Very few people understand Cale and trying to get his wants and needs across to others must be a never-ending frustrating and overwhelming road for him, not to mention for me as well.
We got to my friend's house and I immediately felt uneasy and anxious. I saw all of the other kids running around and playing, being typical kids. And then I saw the giant water slide. Cale is very familiar with this giant water slide. In fact it's one of his very favorite things to do during the summer. It's a big inflatable toy that has two adjoining slides that splash into one big pool of water. Cale loves it. The only problem is that he requires constant assistance in order for him to enjoy it. He needs help climbing up the "rock wall" and then someone to encourage him to scoot to the edge of the slide so that he can gain enough momentum to go down by himself. Oh, and then he needs someone to make sure he can sit up once he reaches the bottom so that he doesn't drown. Constant assistance. I see at least fifteen kids running around my friend's backyard and two babysitters. One babysitter is holding a baby which leaves one free babysitter. She is busy herding the other fourteen kids. The odds are not looking good for my Cale. There is no way he can play on this favorite toy if I leave him and go sit with the other moms to discuss our book study. I try and take a deep breath and convince myself to just treat him like a normal kid and put him in his swimsuit. Thankfully another mom sees me struggling and offers to help sunscreen and change Riley. Little did she know that she also distracted me enough to keep me from bursting into tears. Cale is finally dressed and lubed so I walk him over to play in the water.
I take my seat amongst the other moms which is only about fifty yards away from where the kids are playing. I try to engage in the conversation but my mind and eyes are fixated on Cale. Is he okay? Is anybody playing with him? Should I be over there helping him? I feel so guilty. The moms are going around introducing themselves and sharing a high and low point of their week. It's my turn and without hesitation I admit that my low point for this week is this very moment: watching my son unable to do something that he loves. I admit that I feel guilty for leaving him because in reality I am literally the only person there that knows how to help him and communicate with him. I see him sitting at the bottom of the slides, looking up at the kids who are running circles around him and splashing water in his face as they take their turn down the slide. I want to cry and I want to leave. There is no way I am going to be able to participate in the conversation or get anything out of sitting with these other moms while I watch my son struggle like this.
I eventually get up and walk over to help Cale. I spend the rest of the time playing with him and helping him to have fun. I'm realizing that perhaps doing things like this is just not possible for me right now. I'm not like all of the other moms and not both of my kids are like all of the other kids. Cale needs me in ways that other kids don't need their moms.
Disabilities suck, especially during the summer. Activities like going to the park, taking a late-night trip to get ice cream, eating a popsicle on a hot day, or running through a sprinkler are not things that Cale can easily participate in. Cale's never even been able to enjoy a popsicle.
Disabilities just suck.
I've refused to acknowledge my feelings of bitterness and sadness towards Cale's disability for the last year or so. It does me no good to dwell on it because the truth of the matter is that it is what it is and there is not one thing I can do to change it. I would become a miserable person if I spent each and every one of my days being sad or angry over the life I have been dealt as Cale's mom.
This morning, however, I was pushed to my breaking point.
A group of ladies, who also happen to be some of my closest and dearest girlfriends, have been meeting on Thursday mornings for the past few years as part of a bible study through our church. Cale's speech therapy has always been during the times they meet and so I have never been able to attend. This year, even though the official bible study broke for the summer, a certain group decided to meet privately at a house to keep the fellowship and spiritual growth moving. Knowing that I've never been able to come, they worked hard to change the time to accommodate me. Today was my first day.
To give you a peek into my thoughts going into something like this I think some background is appropriate. I become very anxious doing things like this for myself when I know I'll have to bring my kids along. On one side of the coin I see the need and importance of being around other Christian women who are in a similar stage of life as myself. I think fellowship is critical and having friends around to encourage and guide me is priceless. On the flip side, however, I am faced with the guilt of leaving my kids, Cale in particular, with a babysitter. I play mind games with myself that always give me an excuse of why I shouldn't go, such as "The person watching all the kids doesn't know Cale and since he can't keep up with all the other kids he is eventually going to latch onto the babysitter, she won't know what to do with him so I'll end up keeping him with me and then I won't be able to focus on the bible study so I probably shouldn't even go." I give myself every reason in the book to stay at home. Home is comfortable. Home is familiar. Home is where Cale feels most secure and safe. Home is where Cale is understood. Outside, in the real world, is unknown. Very few people understand Cale and trying to get his wants and needs across to others must be a never-ending frustrating and overwhelming road for him, not to mention for me as well.
We got to my friend's house and I immediately felt uneasy and anxious. I saw all of the other kids running around and playing, being typical kids. And then I saw the giant water slide. Cale is very familiar with this giant water slide. In fact it's one of his very favorite things to do during the summer. It's a big inflatable toy that has two adjoining slides that splash into one big pool of water. Cale loves it. The only problem is that he requires constant assistance in order for him to enjoy it. He needs help climbing up the "rock wall" and then someone to encourage him to scoot to the edge of the slide so that he can gain enough momentum to go down by himself. Oh, and then he needs someone to make sure he can sit up once he reaches the bottom so that he doesn't drown. Constant assistance. I see at least fifteen kids running around my friend's backyard and two babysitters. One babysitter is holding a baby which leaves one free babysitter. She is busy herding the other fourteen kids. The odds are not looking good for my Cale. There is no way he can play on this favorite toy if I leave him and go sit with the other moms to discuss our book study. I try and take a deep breath and convince myself to just treat him like a normal kid and put him in his swimsuit. Thankfully another mom sees me struggling and offers to help sunscreen and change Riley. Little did she know that she also distracted me enough to keep me from bursting into tears. Cale is finally dressed and lubed so I walk him over to play in the water.
I take my seat amongst the other moms which is only about fifty yards away from where the kids are playing. I try to engage in the conversation but my mind and eyes are fixated on Cale. Is he okay? Is anybody playing with him? Should I be over there helping him? I feel so guilty. The moms are going around introducing themselves and sharing a high and low point of their week. It's my turn and without hesitation I admit that my low point for this week is this very moment: watching my son unable to do something that he loves. I admit that I feel guilty for leaving him because in reality I am literally the only person there that knows how to help him and communicate with him. I see him sitting at the bottom of the slides, looking up at the kids who are running circles around him and splashing water in his face as they take their turn down the slide. I want to cry and I want to leave. There is no way I am going to be able to participate in the conversation or get anything out of sitting with these other moms while I watch my son struggle like this.
I eventually get up and walk over to help Cale. I spend the rest of the time playing with him and helping him to have fun. I'm realizing that perhaps doing things like this is just not possible for me right now. I'm not like all of the other moms and not both of my kids are like all of the other kids. Cale needs me in ways that other kids don't need their moms.
Disabilities suck, especially during the summer. Activities like going to the park, taking a late-night trip to get ice cream, eating a popsicle on a hot day, or running through a sprinkler are not things that Cale can easily participate in. Cale's never even been able to enjoy a popsicle.
Disabilities just suck.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
be careful what you ask for
Let me begin by saying that I am entirely grateful for reaching the 38 week mark in this pregnancy. I begged and pleaded with God for nearly nine months asking for this very moment to become a reality for me and He was faithful in answering my many, countless prayers. With that said, however, I am so ready for this to be over. During these last several months I have created a mountain of anxiety over worrying about what my life as a mother of three will be like and I'm finally ready to begin this climb. Sink or swim has been my personal motto the past few days and I just want to know which one it's going to be. I hope I have my flippers and life vest with me.
Aside from swollen ankles and a worn path in our carpet leading from the bed to the bathroom, I truly have very little to complain about. I seem to have more energy than usual, which is good considering my kids are on over-drive now that the summer weather finally decided to show up. I have been cleaning like crazy and keeping up with the laundry, all the while making time to either take the kids to a park or a pool to burn off their extra energy. I have been trying to go on long walks or hike the M to get this whole process started but so far the only results I've gotten are a sore butt and puffy feet. As of my check-up with the doctor last week I am a few centimeters dilated and about 80% effaced, however I was that way with Riley for nearly three weeks before he finally decided to induce me. Not favorable news in my eyes. He keeps telling me I won't make it until my due date but I have a feeling God took my prayer of "Please keep me pregnant for 42 weeks and I promise I won't complain" to heart and He's up there looking down on me and saying "be careful what you ask for, Kid.".
I promise not to complain, I promise not to complain, I promise not to complain...
Aside from swollen ankles and a worn path in our carpet leading from the bed to the bathroom, I truly have very little to complain about. I seem to have more energy than usual, which is good considering my kids are on over-drive now that the summer weather finally decided to show up. I have been cleaning like crazy and keeping up with the laundry, all the while making time to either take the kids to a park or a pool to burn off their extra energy. I have been trying to go on long walks or hike the M to get this whole process started but so far the only results I've gotten are a sore butt and puffy feet. As of my check-up with the doctor last week I am a few centimeters dilated and about 80% effaced, however I was that way with Riley for nearly three weeks before he finally decided to induce me. Not favorable news in my eyes. He keeps telling me I won't make it until my due date but I have a feeling God took my prayer of "Please keep me pregnant for 42 weeks and I promise I won't complain" to heart and He's up there looking down on me and saying "be careful what you ask for, Kid.".
I promise not to complain, I promise not to complain, I promise not to complain...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
one year later
A sweet friend of mine approached me about a month ago and offered to throw me a baby shower. I honestly hadn't given much thought to the idea of having another baby shower, especially since this is my third child and I already have baby boy clothes of Cale's. Would people think I was a greedy snob for asking for even more stuff to add to our already plentiful baby collection? I really didn't see a need for gifts and when I told my friend about my concerns of her throwing me a shower, she laughed and simply reminded me that it wasn't about the gifts but about celebrating this new baby's life. Okay, okay...how can one say no after putting it like that? I agreed to the shower but not without lingering feelings of guilt.
My shower date is set for June 11th. When I made a list of dates that worked for me this particular one stood out in my mind like bold print. I thought perhaps I was forgetting someone's birthday or anniversary but I never could put my finger on it. My friend picked this date and sent out the invitations, all the while leaving me wondering why on earth that day was leaving a fingerprint on my mind. I had all but forgotten about it until driving home from running errands this last weekend. June 11th of last year was the day we lost our baby when I was twelve weeks pregnant.
I remember that day so vividly. The initial phone call to my doctor, the half hour of waiting in the waiting room, the seemingly blank ultrasound picture, and then the drive back to the hospital that afternoon to have our baby removed from my body. Days like that day belong in movies, not in real life. Not in my life. But now, a year later, I feel surprisingly little. I'm not sad or angry or regretful. If anything I'm a little embarrassed of how void my emotions are. Is it because I have this new baby to look forward to that I don't miss the life that could have been? Or is it because the imminent arrival of this baby makes me realize that I've needed the last year to prepare for myself for this upcoming transition?
June 11th of this year will be a day filled with joy. I'm so thankful that my friend convinced me that a baby shower isn't just about getting gifts but rather about celebrating a new life. The coincidence of it all is just too uncanny to be a coincidence. I think God is gently reminding me that He is in control and even the trials He allows into my life are woven perfectly into His plan.
My shower date is set for June 11th. When I made a list of dates that worked for me this particular one stood out in my mind like bold print. I thought perhaps I was forgetting someone's birthday or anniversary but I never could put my finger on it. My friend picked this date and sent out the invitations, all the while leaving me wondering why on earth that day was leaving a fingerprint on my mind. I had all but forgotten about it until driving home from running errands this last weekend. June 11th of last year was the day we lost our baby when I was twelve weeks pregnant.
I remember that day so vividly. The initial phone call to my doctor, the half hour of waiting in the waiting room, the seemingly blank ultrasound picture, and then the drive back to the hospital that afternoon to have our baby removed from my body. Days like that day belong in movies, not in real life. Not in my life. But now, a year later, I feel surprisingly little. I'm not sad or angry or regretful. If anything I'm a little embarrassed of how void my emotions are. Is it because I have this new baby to look forward to that I don't miss the life that could have been? Or is it because the imminent arrival of this baby makes me realize that I've needed the last year to prepare for myself for this upcoming transition?
June 11th of this year will be a day filled with joy. I'm so thankful that my friend convinced me that a baby shower isn't just about getting gifts but rather about celebrating a new life. The coincidence of it all is just too uncanny to be a coincidence. I think God is gently reminding me that He is in control and even the trials He allows into my life are woven perfectly into His plan.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
rain, rain, go away!
I have yet to see more than two days in a row of good weather here in Missoula. We keep getting teased with little glimpses of Spring but I'm fairly certain Summer will be here before Spring truly arrives. This had better not be any indication of how Missoula's summer is going to go. I want three solid months of temps in the 80's and 90's...and if I'm still huge and pregnant when the hot weather rolls in, so be it!
This Memorial Day weekend was rainy. And cold. BUT, we were able to have a fantastic few days together as a family despite the icky weather. We painted the baby's room and kept the kids busy with various activities such as the carousel, a baseball game, lots of umbrella time, movies, and driving Cale's and Riley's motorized Jeep around up at Grandma and Grandpa's house. The kids were very sad to watch Dad leave for work this morning and we are slowly trying to adjust to our normal weekly routine. Wish me luck on that one. So far I have battled a tantrum or sibling rivalry every half hour.
In other news, I am slowly but surely getting back into taking pictures. In the month of May I took over 1,300 photos, however I'm sure I only kept about 100 of those. I'm proud to say that not one of those photos was shot in automatic mode. I am loving playing around in manual mode and the more I do it the more comfortable I am getting. Alex bought me a new photo editing software for Mother's Day and even though it will probably take years of practice before I ever figure it out, I am having a blast playing around with pictures and making them unique. I have a feeling this is going to be a very time-consuming hobby. :) My dream is to get good enough with photography that I can make a name for myself by becoming a photographer for Community Medical Center and specializing in taking pictures for families who either know they are going to lose their baby at birth, or being called in at all hours to photograph a baby who died unexpectedly during birth. I'm also becoming more and more interested in possibly photographing hospice patients. We'll see where my dream takes me. All I know is I love photography and the challenge of getting that perfect shot keeps me coming back for more. I suppose it's a lot like the game of golf in that way. It doesn't matter if the first seventeen and a half holes were complete and total disasters if you have that perfect last shot on the eighteenth hole...chances are you'll be back at it again the next day to find just one more.
In pregnancy news, I had a routine doctor's appointment this morning and apparently my body is already preparing itself for labor. I'm starting to efface and my doctor wants to start seeing me every week from here on out. To even begin to think about finally meeting this baby has me completely high strung for a couple of reasons. The first one being that I am only 34 weeks pregnant and it's still far too early for this baby to make his grande debut. Second, we have yet to agree on a name and there is no way I am delivering this baby without a name picked out for him!
I cannot believe I will soon be a mother of three.
This Memorial Day weekend was rainy. And cold. BUT, we were able to have a fantastic few days together as a family despite the icky weather. We painted the baby's room and kept the kids busy with various activities such as the carousel, a baseball game, lots of umbrella time, movies, and driving Cale's and Riley's motorized Jeep around up at Grandma and Grandpa's house. The kids were very sad to watch Dad leave for work this morning and we are slowly trying to adjust to our normal weekly routine. Wish me luck on that one. So far I have battled a tantrum or sibling rivalry every half hour.
In other news, I am slowly but surely getting back into taking pictures. In the month of May I took over 1,300 photos, however I'm sure I only kept about 100 of those. I'm proud to say that not one of those photos was shot in automatic mode. I am loving playing around in manual mode and the more I do it the more comfortable I am getting. Alex bought me a new photo editing software for Mother's Day and even though it will probably take years of practice before I ever figure it out, I am having a blast playing around with pictures and making them unique. I have a feeling this is going to be a very time-consuming hobby. :) My dream is to get good enough with photography that I can make a name for myself by becoming a photographer for Community Medical Center and specializing in taking pictures for families who either know they are going to lose their baby at birth, or being called in at all hours to photograph a baby who died unexpectedly during birth. I'm also becoming more and more interested in possibly photographing hospice patients. We'll see where my dream takes me. All I know is I love photography and the challenge of getting that perfect shot keeps me coming back for more. I suppose it's a lot like the game of golf in that way. It doesn't matter if the first seventeen and a half holes were complete and total disasters if you have that perfect last shot on the eighteenth hole...chances are you'll be back at it again the next day to find just one more.
In pregnancy news, I had a routine doctor's appointment this morning and apparently my body is already preparing itself for labor. I'm starting to efface and my doctor wants to start seeing me every week from here on out. To even begin to think about finally meeting this baby has me completely high strung for a couple of reasons. The first one being that I am only 34 weeks pregnant and it's still far too early for this baby to make his grande debut. Second, we have yet to agree on a name and there is no way I am delivering this baby without a name picked out for him!
I cannot believe I will soon be a mother of three.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
laugh lines
I have newly formed wrinkles upon returning from my weekend retreat, and yet I could not care less about them or the fact that at eight months pregnant I was forced to sleep on a half-inch thick mattress on top of a piece of plywood. Yes, the weekend retreat was just that - a retreat!
I had the extreme pleasure of spending two nights away from my daily life and responsibilities and surrounding myself around sixty wonderful ladies. We spent the weekend laughing, eating, experiencing God, laughing, doing girly things, eating, and laughing. I don't think I have laughed so hard since I found my son covered from head to toe in poop. Oh wait, I didn't laugh then. I cried...and then yelled. So truly I don't remember the last time I was able to laugh that hard. It was a perfect weekend to cap off this pregnancy before life takes another wild turn.
In between meals, getting a sunburn with some pretty awesome sunglass lines, taking pictures, learning how to make fantastic tablescapes, and devouring an entire chocolate buffet, we also got to hear from an incredible speaker speak on the book of Esther. I had no prior knowledge of anything to do with Esther and this short book in the Bible turns out to be rather sweet! I also got to talk with some of my best girl friends, all of whom have kids, without the interruption of kids needing to go potty or throwing a fit because someone took the toy they were playing with. We were able to be completely selfish in our time and it was fabulous! I stayed up until nearly one o'clock each night, which is highly uncharacteristic of me, but it was so worth it. I think the whole purpose of the retreat was to feel rested and recharged when we came home, but since I only averaged about six hours of pregnancy sleep I definitely didn't come home rested but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I am so thankful for my friends who relentlessly encouraged me to go. As you might remember, I initially said no way to the thought of being three hours away from medical care, but as more time passed I started to feel a peace about going. A lot of my friends don't mind that I'm a hypochondriac and they even offered to listen to me if I needed to vent my worries to someone. Many times throughout the weekend I would have someone come up to me and ask me how my stress level was doing, which further proves the fact that I have awesome friends. :) AND, I came back still pregnant so all of my worries were for not.
I must say, though, sleeping in my own bed on top of my own mattress is priceless.
I had the extreme pleasure of spending two nights away from my daily life and responsibilities and surrounding myself around sixty wonderful ladies. We spent the weekend laughing, eating, experiencing God, laughing, doing girly things, eating, and laughing. I don't think I have laughed so hard since I found my son covered from head to toe in poop. Oh wait, I didn't laugh then. I cried...and then yelled. So truly I don't remember the last time I was able to laugh that hard. It was a perfect weekend to cap off this pregnancy before life takes another wild turn.
In between meals, getting a sunburn with some pretty awesome sunglass lines, taking pictures, learning how to make fantastic tablescapes, and devouring an entire chocolate buffet, we also got to hear from an incredible speaker speak on the book of Esther. I had no prior knowledge of anything to do with Esther and this short book in the Bible turns out to be rather sweet! I also got to talk with some of my best girl friends, all of whom have kids, without the interruption of kids needing to go potty or throwing a fit because someone took the toy they were playing with. We were able to be completely selfish in our time and it was fabulous! I stayed up until nearly one o'clock each night, which is highly uncharacteristic of me, but it was so worth it. I think the whole purpose of the retreat was to feel rested and recharged when we came home, but since I only averaged about six hours of pregnancy sleep I definitely didn't come home rested but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
I am so thankful for my friends who relentlessly encouraged me to go. As you might remember, I initially said no way to the thought of being three hours away from medical care, but as more time passed I started to feel a peace about going. A lot of my friends don't mind that I'm a hypochondriac and they even offered to listen to me if I needed to vent my worries to someone. Many times throughout the weekend I would have someone come up to me and ask me how my stress level was doing, which further proves the fact that I have awesome friends. :) AND, I came back still pregnant so all of my worries were for not.
I must say, though, sleeping in my own bed on top of my own mattress is priceless.
Friday, May 20, 2011
happenings
I apologize for letting nearly a month go by without posting. Truth is, I haven't really had anything to say. We've been chugging along, impatiently waiting for the day when Spring finally decides to arrive in Missoula. I am SO ready for warm weather and sunshine!
I am 32 weeks pregnant now and getting more and more excited to meet this little guy. Alex and I have yet to settle on a name and I have a feeling we won't have a final answer until he is born. We are both set on a name but neither one of us seems willing to budge, yet I have a feeling I will be victorious in the end. :) This little guy never seems to stop moving and his jabs and pokes are becoming more and more uncomfortable as he gets bigger. Every now and then I can feel a perfectly formed foot trying to explode from my stomach and even though this is the third time feeling a baby move inside of me, it never gets any less amazing. The only part of pregnancy I will miss is feeling the baby move. Thank goodness, if all goes according to planned, this is the last time my body will be subject to such torture. I used to be a firm believer that pregnancy was a beautiful, joyful, and amazing one-of-a-kind experience, but this baby has proven to me that not all pregnancies should be treated equally. I am extremely grateful to be carrying this child but it certainly has not been easy or enjoyable.
In other news, I am headed out of town in a few hours to spend the weekend at a women's retreat through our church. Its theme for the weekend is called "Pampered for a Purpose" and can I just tell you that that could not sound more heavenly right now. I will be surrounded by a wonderful group of ladies, including a group of my closest girl friends, and the rumor has it that there will be delicious food and lattes every morning. Hello!? Could you appeal to a pregnant woman more if you tried? I think not. It took a lot of convincing from both my husband and my friends to get me to go because I'm the type of person that does not want to be more than ten minutes away from immediate medical care while I'm pregnant, and the place we are headed to is over three hours away from Missoula. I initially said no way but I'm trusting that this weekend will give me some much needed relaxation and that God will keep this baby happy and healthy inside my belly for another month and a half.
Alright, I suppose that is enough tidbits for now. I will update soon with events from the retreat. Have a great weekend everyone!!!
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