Some things are way beyond my understanding

Christmas came and went. My parents' beloved pet, Roxie, escaped from our house on Christmas day and after hours of searching for her, we learned she had been hit by a car. Losing a pet on Christmas kind of takes the joy out of things. New Year's also came and went. Alex and I made it 'til midnight but once we toasted our glass of sparkling cider we almost had to drag each other up the stairs and boost one another into bed. My body is not made for staying up until midnight. We now begin 2010 not much differently than we ended 2009. Life keeps rolling along and I suppose we're just hitching a ride.

I truly do have more joy in my life than the prior paragraph may lead you to believe, but the course of some recent events has kicked me in the shins and made me realize that this world is a crappy place to live and some day, and only until then, will I be able to live in complete peace, void of any and all suffering. The birth of a new baby girl makes me question yet again why suffering is allowed and what sort of plans God has for the suffering He allows us to go through.

My friend's sister and her husband gave birth to a baby girl on December 23rd. After from what I understand was a healthy and normal pregnancy, this baby girl was delivered and not breathing. Rushed to the NICU with her parents only allowed a glance at their new, precious baby girl, doctors determined that she could not breathe on her own and was unresponsive to anything going on around her. This baby girl can not suck, move her arms or legs, and possibly not even be able to see. Full-term and with what seemed like no complications during her pregnancy, why is this happening? Doctors believe the baby girl, Lydia, was deprived of oxygen at some point which lead to significant brain damage. The parents have had to make incredibly difficult decisions, one being whether to let their baby live or to let her go be with her Father in Heaven. So far they have chosen for the doctors to do everything they can to let her live. I know of two surgeries she's already had to undergo and who knows how many more could be to follow.

My heart just breaks for these new parents. Here they were, spending nine months anticipating the arrival of their first child, getting excited and preparing the nursery. Waiting during those last few days in complete euphoria of knowing they will soon get to meet the baby they have been waiting so patiently for. They were probably getting excited to be able to bring her home in time for Christmas. What a perfect Christmas present! But now, days into the New Year and Lydia is in the hospital, tubes and wires connected all over her body, helpless. Her parents did not get to bring her home for Christmas and not only that, but the child they had dreamed of is not the child they got.

"Dreaming New Dreams" is the title of my blog and it was for this very reason I decided to name it that. Alex and I were forced to dream new and different dreams after Cale was born and we realized he wasn't the normal baby boy we thought we were going to have. Our situation and the situation my friend's sister and brother-in-law are going through are completely different and I don't dare try to compare our experience to theirs, but I do know how they are feeling at least on some level. The fear, the shock, the "why us", the disbelief that this is actually happening are things I definitely experienced and assume they must be, too. However, I believe God protected my heart during Cale's birth and the two months he spent in the hospital, because I look back at those days and wonder how on earth I got through them without being in tears every single day. I was even able to smile and be joyful. I know it was God protecting my heart because I should have been a complete wreck. Don't get me wrong, there were days when I was and those days were really tough, but God was definitely looking out for me. I pray He is doing the same for this family.

The verse that has always come to mind, even when I was driving home after Cale was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I believe this verse applies to us all, even to Cale and baby Lydia. God has great plans for the both of them and will use them to help bring glory to His name.

Please pray for Lydia and for her parents. I can't imagine the fear in their hearts but I do know we have a great God that is capable of great things.