This post may be a little heavy and so I'll start out with something light. I saw an advertisement informing me that Dairy Queen is celebrating a birthday and so they're offering a "buy one Blizzard and get the second one for $.25". I'll definitely be partaking in that tonight!
I was driving down the street today, on my way to Starbucks to grab my usual Americano, when a thought hit me so hard I felt as though I had run into something.
My husband and I pray, DAILY, for complete healing in Cale. I go through seasons when I'm angry with God for not answering my prayer, but on the contrary I also go through seasons when I'm filled with so much patience, and faith, that I'm content in waiting for the day WHEN He DOES answer my prayer. Right now, on this very day, I'm somewhere in the middle.
I'm angry that I, one of billions of people in this world, was given a child with a disability. People have babies every day, healthy babies. Why me? A selfish but honest question. When someone says to me, "God chose you to be Cale's mom because He knew you were the best person for the job" only ignites my anger. Should I feel special or feel like I won some sort of an award? On the contrary, I'm also content knowing that Cale will most likely never be completely healed. I'm not saying that God is incapable of performing miracles but I've had long enough to think about the fact that there is a bigger purpose - a purpose that may never be revealed - behind why Cale is my son and I am his mom. I'm okay with that and I sometimes even feel special that I get to be apart of one of God's purposes.
Going back to the thought that hit me so hard while on my way to Starbucks. My prayer for complete healing in Cale might leave God feeling puzzled. He may be up in Heaven, looking down on me, wondering what on earth I'm asking of Him. He's confused because He doesn't view Cale as being sick. In His eyes Cale is not "disabled". Cale is perfectly healthy and it's me, and this world, that labels him as being different. So I'm left wondering what my prayer for Cale's life should be. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for healing because I assure you that if I or someone in my family were to get sick, I would be the first one begging God for a cure. For whatever reason, though, I feel like I should be praying something different for Cale. I don't know what that is yet because this journey of raising him and being his mom changes on a daily basis, but I'm sure God will let me know what it is He wants, whether it's through a dream or while on a drive to Starbucks.
He certainly has interesting and unique ways of communicating to us.
2 comments:
I love this post. Partly because I am one of those that said God meant for you to be Mom to Cale. And partly becuase I have never thought of Cale as needing to be healed. Cale is a little man who teaches us infinite patience, contentment, and how to fine joy in life's unexpected. The world needs a few more Cales. We need more of his smiles and more of his Faith. Because he may not know it yet, but he has an overwhelming amount of faith.
I too feel Cale was brought to us by devine intervention. I don't know what his future holds...I only know that I feel blessed to be in his future for whatever time I will be given. I love him and his family more than words can describe....xoxoxoxoxoxoox
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