Seattle Trip

Last Thursday we packed up and headed towards Seattle.  This was the first time I was excited to make the drive, only because I was so certain that this doctor's appointment was going to give us the answer we had been waiting for.  Our plan was to only go as far as Moses Lake, WA since the drive to Seattle is nearly nine hours if you factor in our two kiddos and the many stops they require.  Our night in Moses Lake was uneventful; the kids slept great due to my husband's grand idea of using the extra mattress to the queen bed as a "wall" to separate us from the kids.  They slept all night and we woke up and hit the road on Friday morning.

We rolled into rainy Seattle around 1:00 and headed to the hospital for a pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist.  They checked his height, weight, and reminded us of what time we needed to be there on Monday morning.  Seriously?  That's it?  We came all the way here three days early to get his height and weight?  Apparently the staff at Seattle Children's do not care if you are coming in from out of town - they don't mind whose time they waste.  Thankfully, though, Grandma lives in Seattle and so we got to spend a few days with her.  Cale and Riley were spoiled beyond belief and were still asking for Grandma when we pulled into our driveway last night.  What would the world be like without grandmas?

Monday morning was the big day.  We woke up at 5:00am to hopefully beat the rush-hour traffic so that we could be at the hospital by 7:30.  We made it with only a few minutes to spare and pretty soon there were doctors rushing all around, prepping Cale for his procedure.  Alex and I were both pretty calm but definitely anxious for the results.  They only allowed one parent to go back with Cale while they put him to sleep and my dear husband knew I would be a wreck if I was the one who had to wait alone, so he graciously allowed me to go back with him.  Cale screamed and clung to my arm while I lied him down on the bed, obviously terrified beyond belief.  I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and sobbed right in front of him, trying to assure him everything was going to be okay.  I'm sure he saw the fear in my face.  I tried to be strong but I don't think any parent could have watched their child cry that hard, visibly frightened, and not shed a tear.  Cale fought and fought while the nurse tried to keep the mask around his face but after a few minutes he slowly started to give up and then fell fast asleep.  Now the waiting begins.

Alex and I walked up to the cafeteria to grab a bite of breakfast.  Neither of us were that hungry but decided to eat anyway.  We sat at a table but didn't really say anything to each other.  I think we were both a little scared and anxious.  Even though Cale wasn't having surgery, it never feels "okay" to have your child be put to sleep for something.  I can't imagine the parents who have to sit and wait while their child endures a six-hour surgery.  Agony.  After eating, we walked down the hallway and headed towards the waiting area.  A family sat down near us and we noticed that the father had a Griz sweatshirt on and so we made small talk with him for a little bit.  It's funny how small of a world we live in.  After waiting for only about half an hour, the doctor came out and sat down to go over everything with us.  I took a deep breath and for some reason, seeing the look on his face, I knew he wasn't going to give us the answer we were hoping for.

He showed us a few pictures that he had taken and told us that everything he could see looked "normal".  That word, 'normal', makes me want to cry.  Everything is not normal and the more I hear it the more angry I get.  He told us that he took some biopsies and that it would take a couple of weeks to get those results.  The biopsies would tell us if he had any allergies or if there was more inflammation in his esophagus than he could see through the scope.  I'm hoping the biopsies are able to tell us more but at this point I've pretty much lost all hope.

The good news, though, is that they didn't find anything.  The other side of this coin is that the doctor could have seen something that needed fixed with surgery.  I'm learning that rather than trying to find out what is wrong with Cale, this whole process of doctors and procedures is more about eliminating things than finding a diagnosis.  Hopefully someday, with enough eliminations, we will come across something that tells us why Cale is the way he is.  I'm also learning how grateful I need to be to have a husband to go through all of this with.  I can't imagine doing any of this alone and Alex has been my rock since day one.  God definitely knew what He was doing when He brought us together.

So, the search continues.  I'm disappointed we didn't get any answers but at least by eliminating things we are that much closer to finding a cause.