Do you ever have those days when you dream of your life being just a little bit different?I am having one of those today. I was driving down the street, in awe of how many people were on the roads, thinking to myself "shouldn't all of these people be at work?", when it hit me - I wonder what my life would be like if I were a working mom? I'm not going to touch on this too heavily because I realize in doing so it would be like opening up a can of worms, but I do have a few thoughts on the subject.

When Alex and I got engaged and maybe even before, I told him that under no circumstances was I going to be a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to work and I defended my position by sharing my own experiences growing up; both of my parents worked and I have zero horror stories of daycare, nor do I feel cheated out of any time spent with my mom and dad. I turned out just fine and I'm proud of my parents' decision to keep working when they had kids. Furthermore, by the time I got a little older I cherished the two hours I had alone between getting home from school and when my mom and dad got home from work. I don't think I got in too much trouble during those two hours, which is a big concern in today's debate of raising kids.

Before we had Cale I was employed at a brokerage firm in downtown Missoula. I really enjoyed my job and was learning quite a bit about the financial markets in today's economy. In the back of my head I knew it was a possibility that I wouldn't return after my three-month maternity leave but, good or bad, I wasn't upfront with my boss about my decision, mainly due to the fact that I myself hadn't committed 100% either way - continue to work or stay at home with my son? Well, Cale's entrance into this world left him in the hospital for the first two months of his life and so if I were to go back to work after my maternity leave was up, I would have only had him home for one month. No thanks, here's my resignation boss.

Although my decision to stay at home was partly due to our circumstances, I truly believe I am doing the best thing for OUR family. That's not to say having a parent stay at home is always the best decision. I'm a firm believer that every family is different and there is no right or wrong answer. Perhaps if we lived in a bigger city there would be more options for specialized daycare for Cale, but unfortunately I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving Cale anywhere here. I'm also a pretty big sap when it comes to leaving my kids - the first time I left Cale in the nursery at church I cried like a baby. I'm not sure I would do too well leaving them for a whole day because I have yet to leave Riley alone for more than an hour, and even then it was either with Alex or my family. I swear I'm not one of those over-protective mothers, I don't think?

HOWEVER, if I were to be a working mom or at least a mom that did something outside of the home, I think I would first go back to school and get my nursing license. Especially when we spent all of that time at the hospital after Cale was born I realized being a nurse was my calling. I would maybe even want to be a NICU nurse, even though it would be incredibly emotionally challenging. I LOVE helping people and getting a peek into their lives, sharing stories, and connecting with others on a level that the general public doesn't. And as disgusting as you might think this is, I LOVE hospital food! I'm a little embarrassed about that last sentence and I'm debating on erasing it but I think I'll leave it be...

Back to working versus staying at home; for our family, having me stay at home is the best option for us because I would miss out on so much of Cale's care. We have therapists come into our home three days a week and if I working, I would miss out on what they were working on and most importantly I would miss out on seeing him make progress. Some of my best days are when I see Cale overcome something we've been working on for months and months! Overall, Cale just has some special needs that I don't think he could get at a normal 8-5 daycare. Socialization is a big concern of mine but he's around kids his age at least three to four times a week; not as often he would be if were at a daycare but still often enough to keep my nerves in check. :)

I used to think stay-at-homes didn't have any "worth"...after all, all they did was sit at home cooking and folding laundry. Ha, that's funny. I was worried I would feel like I wasn't contributing to anything with my life if I stayed at home with my kids, but now I realize I'm contributing in the best way I know how to the two most important things in my life - Cale and Riley. For me and my family, at home is where I belong and I am so thankful we are able to make that choice.

Maybe some day when the kids are older and in school I can go back to school and get my nursing degree...or do whatever I choose to do. That's the beauty of living in America.