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Let me begin first by saying that God is faithful. The next best thing to experiencing His faithfulness in your own life is watching Him fulfill His promises in someone else's life.

My high school friend and her husband won a house. A HOUSE!!! I won't go into detail of their story (mostly because I don't know their whole story!) but I'll just skim the surface by saying that her husband, B, suffers from a congenital heart defect and recently collapsed and had to be flown to Seattle for surgery, testing, etc.. This family does not have health insurance and due to B's recent health scare, he has not been able to work. They have a one year-old son. I cannot even begin to imagine the fear, stress, and complete dependence on the Lord that this situation has brought upon them. They were living in an apartment before but now have been blessed with a $400,000 brand new home! The house that they won was built to raise money for St. Jude Children's Hospital and when I think of the fact that this house could have gone to anyone - a retired wealthy couple who had money to spare? a family who already owned their own home? a single man who had homes scattered across the country? - I get goose bumps because God knew exactly who this home was going to go to when it was being built! I cannot think of a more deserving family and it almost brings me to tears when I think of His faithfulness. God will provide in the strangest and most surprising ways!

When I think of their story I am reminded of how God has provided for my family over the past three years. We were fortunate enough to have health insurance when Cale was born two months early but I cannot even begin to imagine how different things would be for us if we didn't. Money has been tight for us and being that I am not the financial provider, money isn't always on the top of my stress list. For my husband, however, it's a daily - if not hourly - worry.

I want to share just a few of the ways God has continued to provide and fulfill His promises to us. Two years ago we received a bill from the hospital. This was the first bill we were going to have to pay that was going to send us backwards. It was also time to write our tithe check. If we chose not to tithe, we would have enough money to pay the hospital bill. Alex came to me and asked me what we should do. Without giving it a second thought I immediately told him we had to tithe, no matter the circumstance. He wrote our tithe check. The very next day we received a check in the mail for $1000 from our church! God had provided just as He said He would. More recently, Alex has been working incredibly hard at work. This year is the toughest year he's seen since he took his job back in 2004. He's been incredibly stressed and since he's been working so much we really haven't seen him much over the last couple of months. About two weeks ago there was a knock on our door. I contemplated answering it because I saw that it was someone I did not know. For whatever reason I decided to answer it. There was a lady standing there holding a box, she handed it to me, smiled and said good-bye. I immediately opened it and found a small stuffed animal with a letter attached. The letter contained a message about a family that had nominated us to receive money from a foundation that was set up in honor of a local family's daughter that had lost her battle with cancer. With the letter was a check. Again, during a time when we were stressed about money and the future, God had proven His promise to us.

Those are only two examples but we have many, many more! God is GOOD.

On a side note, Cale turns three in November. Because he is turning three that means he is no longer eligible to receive money from the Child Development Center. Since we started receiving their services they have helped pay a portion of Cale's therapies. News of this has been weighing heavily on me and even more heavy on Alex. They didn't pay for much but every penny helps. Last week we heard about a waiver that Cale can possibly apply for. It's called a PD Waiver and to be honest I don't know exactly what that is. All I know is that Cale would automatically receive Medicaid (because right now he is not eligible for Medicaid) for the rest of his life, which would mean he could have as many therapies as he needed without cost to us!!! This is HUGE and would lift an incredible financial burden off us. I'm supposed to hear more back later this week but I will definitely be praying hard for this to happen for us!

Money, money, money. Can't live with it - can't live without it. (Sigh)

Riley Dean the Drama Queen!

Let me begin this post by saying that I am completely content with two children. Count them, TWO. Three would be too many and one would not be enough. Two is perfect; one for me and one for Alex, therefore we are never outnumbered. I've got two arms and two legs, one for each if need be. I have the blessing of having one of each, a boy and a girl, thus I don't feel like I'm missing out on raising a different gender. My kids are both beautiful and healthy, great sleepers, and very well tempered. One might raise the question, "Why rock the boat in trying for a third child when life right now is seemingly perfect?"

I found out tonight that one of my friends is pregnant.

What is it about seeing a pregnant woman that makes you yourself want to be pregnant, also? Seriously, I don't want a third child but I would definitely become pregnant again if the outcome wasn't another baby. I loved being pregnant and for a brief moment tonight I thought, "maybe another one wouldn't be so bad? I could handle it...right?"

Wrong!

Hopefully by putting this in writing will help me to realize that I'm completely insane and I indeed lost my mind for a few moments. Two kids is enough. Two kids is ENOUGH.

The goal of this post was to update you all on my little Miss Riley but I thought that putting out the idea of a third child to you would hopefully spawn a slap in the face or something greater to snap my mind back into reality.

Okay, back to Riley. She is a DRAMA QUEEN! Raising a girl is so much different than raising a boy. Cale loves to get messy and smear food around in his hands but the other night Riley FREAKED out when her plate tipped over and her dinner fell off the plate and onto her high chair tray. A full blown fit ensued for the next fifteen or twenty minutes. She carries her blanket everywhere she goes and if she's not carrying that she is almost always carrying a spoon, her toothbrush, a sippy cup, or some sort of toy. She carries things everywhere! She's getting more brave, climbing onto anything and everything, going up and down the stairs constantly, and just the other day I found her wandering around in the middle of our cul-de-sac. Yikes! I guess leaving the front door open to let her play on our porch is no longer an option. She loves playing hide and seek from Cale, reading books, and going to the park. She has also become quite the social butterfly. She'll pretty much walk up to just about anyone and asked to be picked up and she's started to "play" and run around with her peers. Fun, fun!!! Her hair just recently got long enough for me to put into little ponytails, which based on the fits she throws if I even get near her hair makes me wonder if it's even worth it. Regardless, I've had fun trying to do it. :) She used to love eating but it seems more and more that it's often a battle to get her to eat anything. She would much rather play than stop to sit down and have a meal. When she does eat, she loves hot dogs, string cheese, and fruit snacks. Yummy? She has also started to talk which has been so much fun! She can only say a few words including "mama", "dada", "kitty", "dog", "ball", "cheese", and "moo". What's been ever more fun than hearing her first words, though, is watching her pick up sign language from Cale. We've definitely encouraged her to sign but haven't put a lot of effort into teaching her, therefore all she knows is what she's learned from Cale. She can sign "please", "more", "I'm sorry", "thank you", "you're welcome", "work", "fish", "eat", "drink", "light", "train", "yes", "horse", "cheese", "open", and probably a few more that I'm forgetting. She's pretty cute and Cale's speech therapist has even asked me if she can film Riley for a children's signing video. She continues to make me laugh all day long and I never get tired of seeing her walk around and just figure things out on her own. It truly is amazing to watch a normal developing child. I hope and pray that I never lose my gratitude and appreciation for all that she can do. Watching her walk is simply amazing! I often find myself sitting back and just watching her play, all the while my heart swells up for the enormous amount of love I have for this child. I didn't think it was possible to love someone else as much as Cale but Riley sure has made it easy for me. I can't wait to watch her grow in the upcoming years!

All that said, Cale is still my first love. For whatever reason he has become quite the affectionate little man as of late. He has never been one to cuddle or snuggle but the last few weeks he has reached out his arms for me to just hold him. He'll wrap his arms around me, nestle his head into my shoulder, and just hug me for minutes on end. It's so sweet and I've found myself sitting on the couch a lot more. :)

I have a lot to update on Cale but I'll save that for another time. Remember, two kids is ENOUGH.

Summer of '09!

I was driving down the street today and noticed the leaves on the trees are starting to change. Is summer really over, and even more shocking, is fall already here? Wowzer.

The summer of 2009 marks one for the history books. Filled with weekend getaways to the lake, daily treks to the park, WATER, family, and "firsts" for our little Riley made this summer so memorable. It's going to be a little harder to say good-bye to this one...

Let me take you back to the summer of 2007. Cale had just been diagnosed that May and Alex and I were still floating around in this world of confusion, shock, grief, disbelief, and the BIG unknown. We were alive and breathing but I don't think either of us understood the concept of "living". For me, it was a daily choice to wake up each day and face the challenges and reality of the situtaion we were now in. I was depressed, plain and simple. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to do anything, and I made every excuse as to why it was best for me to just stay at home and be alone. I didn't want to see anyone. I lost a lot of weight and have never cleaned so much in my entire life. My house was always spotless. I was prescribed an anti-depressant but stopped taking them within a few weeks because I didn't think I needed them. Note: definitely not one of my wiser decisions but I was convinced I was fine, and even if there was something wrong, I was determined to fix it under my own strength. With the mindset of always wanting to be alone and never wanting to go anywhere, our summer never had an opportunity to be anything but boring. We made it through those three or four months without incident.

Moving forward to the summer of 2008. This summer can be summed up in one word: PREGNANT! I was due in mid-July which made everything just a little more complicated. We couldn't venture too far from home and I honestly cannot recall any major events. By now my depression was long gone! I was thrilled to be pregnant and so excited to make Cale an older brother. We had more of a picture of what to expect with Cale, which didn't necessarily make things easier but it definitely lifted some of the worries we had for him. I LOVED being pregnant, therefore each day was full of smiles and lots of laughs. The one thing I remember so vividly of that summer was taking long walks after dinner, not only for the exercise but also for the hope of inducing labor. That summer our little Riley was born and our lives were changed forever!

And now to the summer of '09. Flathead Lake, Seattle, Billings, Big Sky, McGregor Lake, Spokane. We traveled almost every weekend this summer and can be validated by the fact that we only attended church once. ONCE! Crazy! We spent several weekends up at Flathead swimming, boating, riding the wave runner, and watching our kids have a blast. Once you become a parent it's way more fun to watch your kids have fun than it is to have fun yourself. I love watching them smile and enjoy life! We learned that Cale LOVES to swim and that Riley is a bit of a scardy cat. Cale loves to ride in the boat while Riley falls fast asleep once it starts moving. They played in the Sound, toured Pike Place Market, stepped on "gooey ducks", swung from a rope swing, watched a wedding, went to the zoo, caught a fish, rode a wave runner, intertubed, watched a geyser, floated a lazy river, rode a camel AND a horse, and spent hours and hours playing at the park. I know I'm forgetting a handful of things but that is just a taste of what our summer was all about. I love being a family of four and even more than that, I love that we held nothing back. We didn't limit ourselves to anything and never made an excuse as to why we couldn't do something. We just did it and we did it with gusto! I'm so proud of us and not because we were able to survive countless nights of our kids sleeping in the same room, but because we have come so far from the summer of 2007. Emotionally it is still hard and I still fight those same emotions of "why us" and "why can't he just run around and play with the other kids", but I've learned a whole new appreciation and love for my family. It is perfect and just as God intended it.

Here's to making this upcoming Fall just as GREAT!

Items on the Table

Have you ever had so much to say that you can't possibly decide where to begin? I have not posted in over three weeks, which in my mind is simply unacceptable, and might lead one to think that my life must be sadly boring and I have absolutely nothing to say.

Not the case.

So much has happened and every time I sit down to write I end up with one huge run-on sentence that has no reasonable beginning or end and does not make one ounce of sense that I just give up.

Get it?

So I've decided to break up the items I want to write about (not all at once of course) so that my goal of touching on each subject is a little more feasible. Below are the topics I hope to write on during the course of the next couple of weeks.

• Our summer adventures and why this summer has been one of the best summers of my life.
• My issues with anxiety. It's gotten so bad that I can't just chalk it up as simple worry.
• Cale starts preschool in a few months which has opened up pandoras box of new emotions.
• Riley and her new developments! She always keeps me on my toes!
• Alex's and my four-year wedding anniversary!

I hope to be able to collect my thoughts quickly so that my blog doesn't collect any more dust. :)