milestones

Here are a few (good) things going on with Mr. Cale:

• Three weeks ago he learned (gained the confidence) to go down the stairs all by himself with just the use of a handrail!  This is both good and bad in the sense that he loves his new talent and wants to practice it all day long which provides many opportunities for him to do so unsupervised.  I'm waiting for his first tumble.  
• With a lifejacket and four noodles tucked under his arms he is able to stay afloat in the swimming pool without someone holding on to him.  He is also figuring out that if he kicks his legs he can move to other parts of the pool.
• With nearly 4 1/2 years of speech therapy under his belt he is gaining more and more control over his speech. He can say all of his vowels without a second thought and is trying new sounds every day.  A lot of  his words I can understand if I know the context and if I made a list of the words he can say it may add up to about ten or so.  
• He can finish an entire small cup of ice cream from Dairy Queen!
• He can get on and off a tricycle without any help, although peddling is still a work in progress.
• He is able to show irritability towards his sister, in a way she can understand, when she's wanting him to do something that he doesn't want to do.  I love that he's growing a backbone...this will come in very handy in life.  I'm still looking for mine. 
• He can identify most letters and can even produce a few of the correct sounds.  I'm pretty sure he'd be able to say them all if his mouth would just work right! :)
• He is in the beginning stages of potty-training.  We have had a handful of successes...wahoo!!!
• He wants nothing more than to be Buzz Lightyear from "Toy Story".
• He can play at a park like a semi-normal kid because he can go up stairs all on his own and finally feels confident enough to just go for it, even if it is a little scary!

There are probably many more significant things he's doing these days but those are just a few I can jot down in words.  He is improving and progressing daily and it's during the hard times that I wish could remind myself of that more often.  

Here's what Riley is up to:

• She took swim lessons with Alex at the start of the summer and can now swim around the pool all by herself with a lifejacket on.  She hops in and out without using the stairs and even dares to jump off the diving board.  I am cautious of everything, she is cautious of nothing!
• Riley sits in on Cale's speech therapy and so she's also able to identify most letters and say a few of their correct sounds.  
• She is able to count objects, as long as there isn't any more than ten. :)
• She is starting to "pretend play" and it's absolutely hilarious to listen in on the scenarios she thinks up.
• She is on her way to being potty-trained during nap time and bed time.  She's completely potty-trained during the day.
• She loves the movie "Cars" and would be content to watch it every day for the rest of her life. 
• She can swing in a big girl swing which terrifies the heck out of me.
• She can color mostly in the lines. :)
• She hates that she can't go to school like her big brother.

All in all, Riley is growing up way too fast.  Her mannerisms and choice of words all point to a young girl instead of my little toddler.  

And finally, Cash:

• At two months old he weighs 13 lbs which puts him in the 75th percentile.  His height also hits the 75th percentile at 23 3/4 inches.  
• He poops ALL DAY LONG.  I'm very serious when I say I don't think I've ever changed just a wet diaper and I think we go through about twelve diapers a day.  
• He is starting to go longer stretches between feedings, so now I can go about three hours without feeling like all I am to him is a cow.
• He is sleeping okay at night.  His longest stretch of sleep has been five hours but that has only happened once.  It's usually two or three hours before he starts yelling at me to change his diaper and feed him.
• He is smiling more and more and within the last few weeks has really started using his voice.  I love those little coos.
• He is able to control his head very well and I can contribute this to the fact that he is the first child of ours to not loathe tummy time.  He is content to be on his belly for five or ten minutes before he realizes that his face is beginning to smash into the carpet. :)
• He has an uncanny ability to know when he's not being held, therefore I spend the majority of my day with a baby in my arms.  Note: I secretly enjoy this because, God-willing, he is our last baby and I want to soak up and enjoy every minute I have with this little guy.
• He tracks me from across the room and is soothed by the sound of my voice.

He is definitely an easy baby, or perhaps it just seems that way because he's the third baby and we've relaxed quite a bit.  For the most part he's pretty chill and I could not be more thankful that God outnumbered Alex and me with a third child. :)

normal mom things

Being Cale's mom sometimes feels like the loneliest place in the world.

No, it is the loneliest place in the world.  Or at least in my world.

I want to be a normal mom.

With summer winding down and school back in session, moms are excitedly dropping their kid off for their first day of school and having to hide back the tears when their child doesn't want them to kiss them good-bye or drop them off too close to the front of the school.  Moms are fighting to sign up their kids for soccer, gymnastics, dance, and t-ball.  Their schedules are crazy and their calendars are all marked up with different activities with lists of whose responsible for taking who where.

Today was Cale's first day of school and we have spent several weeks preparing him for this day.  The mere mention of the word has brought on a bucket of tears and hours wasted with anxiety.  It's very difficult for Cale to forget anything and we're learning that it's becoming more and more of a struggle to redirect his thoughts and attention, therefore an entire day can be spent assuring him that his first day of school is going to be okay.  Last night we had our first big success of talking about school without encountering a major meltdown.  I pretended to be his teacher and went over what I thought she might ask him when she saw him for the first time.  He seemed to like that and we saw our first glimpse of excitement in him.  He actually went to bed without crying about today's looming events.  Success!

We woke up this morning and only had a few bouts of whining.  He ate breakfast, got dressed, brushed his teeth and we were all ready in perfect time to take a few 'first day of school' pictures.  I was relieved to see that he was in a good enough mood to smile for the camera.  In fact he even seemed excited which filled my heart with unexpected joy.  After pictures we hopped in the car and the drive to school was relatively calm.  We went over what he was going to tell his teacher if she asked him what he did this summer and that seemed to lighten the mood.  Once we pulled up in front of school I could tell he was becoming more and more anxious, and sure enough it was a tiny bit of a struggle to get him to walk into his classroom.  He clung to Riley and shed a few tears when it was time to say good-bye but as soon as we turned the corner the cries muffled out so I'm assuming he calmed down rather quickly.  We survived the first day of school drop-off.

Needless to say, I wasn't crying over how independent and grown up my little boy was becoming.  I walked away wishing that for special days like these I could be a normal mom.

With summer winding down, our schedule is changing and a new routine is about to begin.  My calendar is full and life is about to get crazy.  However, instead of fighting to get Cale signed up for t-ball or soccer, I am fighting to schedule his many therapies so that we can get through the week with a tiny bit of free time.  My calendar is full of doctor appointments, case worker meetings, and conferences on how to maximize Cale's potential.  I wish so badly that I was a normal mom that could sign my son up for normal things.

With Cale getting older and his peers growing right along with him, I feel that we are on the journey to getting left behind.  It seems as though my girl friends get together because their kids enjoy playing together...they ask to play together...and no one ever asks to play with Cale.  I feel as though I am getting left behind which is both incredibly hard for me to admit and incredibly difficult for me to accept.  I always thought Cale's differences would affect him in this way, never me.  I just want to be a normal mom.

The crappy thing about all of this is knowing that Cale probably wishes he were normal a million times more than I wish I were a normal mom.  My heart just aches for him, for us.