24 Hours and Counting...

It was at about this time last year that I got a call from my doctor asking if I wanted to put an end to my misery and get induced the following day at 7:00 AM. It took me about three nanoseconds to respond, "YES, please!" I was actually walking through Target looking for drugs to hopefully promote natural induction and so the timing of his phone call could not have come at a more appropriate time. After I hung up my cell phone I was hit with the reality of, "Holy crap, I am going to have a baby tomorrow!" I remember the rest of that day was filled with giddy feelings of excitement, lots and lots of laundry, and precious quiet moments with my son. A part of me was sad that it would no longer be just him and me, but I will always remember that day when he fell asleep in my arms right before I put him down for his nap and I was able to just hold him and tell him that even though we were having another baby, he would always be my first love.

You all are probably getting sick and tired of reading about my thoughts and emotions regarding Riley's first birthday. I kind of am, too, frankly. For whatever reason, though, I am having a hard time accepting that she will be one year old tomorrow, and I'm pretty positive I will not make it through the day without crying. When did I turn into that woman? And by that woman, I mean the woman that gets all sentimental and emotional over each milestone in her children's lives. I promise you that I used to be the girl that when asked if I wanted to keep any "souvenirs" from the NICU to remember our days spent there with Cale, I immediately scoffed and thought any of that would just produce unnecessary clutter in my house -- no thank you! I take lots of pictures but don't see a need for baby books or scrapbooks of any kind. I threw away both Riley's and Cale's first footprints from the hospital. See, I am not that woman!

I have one theory as to why Riley's first birthday is so different from Cale's but who knows if it would stand up in court. My theory is this: Cale's first year was traumatizing, simple as that. Other than the joy we felt when we were able to bring him home from the hospital, I really can't remember any significant stretches of time during those twelve months when we could just sit back and enjoy our first born. We were always at the doctor, always trying to force food in him, always worried, always stressing, always grieving, etc., etc., etc.. With Riley, though, aside from the first few weeks when we were adjusting to our life with two kids, it has been pure joy through and through. She's made parenting easy and loving her even easier. She's done exactly what she was supposed to exactly when she was supposed to do it without any intervention from Alex, me, or any therapists. She's been normal and consequently it has allowed us to have a normal experience of raising her. Please do not take this the wrong way, however. Even though her first year was dramatically different from Cale's, I would not change the course our life has taken for the world! Cale is the only one that could have taught us to appreciate this last year like we have. I look up to that little guy and he's only two years old.

So tomorrow is the big day. Alex's mom from Seattle is flying in tonight and will be with us until Sunday. I think we will just have a low-key day tomorrow, maybe taking a trip to the park, but on Saturday we will have Riley's big party with all of her friends. I'll really be a loser if I cry then. What kind of parent cries at their baby's first birthday party?

Dear Riley,

You are one year old tomorrow. You won't truly be able to appreciate the speed of a year until one day when you have kids, but just take my word for it -- a year goes by so quickly! It would be impossible to express to you how much I love you and I feel powerless to even try. Just know that I love you so incredibly much and there will never be anything that changes that. My love is forever. You have added so much joy to both your father's and my life. You constantly have us laughing, and even amidst your meltdowns and tantrums, I hold you close and never want to let go. Your personality has developed into something so vibrant and colorful -- you already have all the qualities to succeed in anything you choose to do in this life. You are persistent, brave, fearless, sometimes stubborn, and very affectionate. You have acquired several nicknames during the past twelve months, most of which have been given to you by your father. Deano, The Dean, Little Miss, and probably the most fitting, Drama Queen. I'll be interested to see which nicknames stick and which ones will be added years from now. One thing you probably don't know about yourself is that you are a very important little sister. You have taught your big brother so much this last year and I can only assume he will continue learning from you year by year. You are not always the nicest to him but I can tell that he loves you and watches you with incredible awe. You don't know it yet, but you are already rich in spirit from having a brother like him. He's the best and so are you. I have many prayers for your life such as marriage, education, friendships, etc., but my main prayer for you is this: I pray that you will learn to love Jesus and that you will understand the sacrificial love He has for you. I pray that you'll walk with Him daily and you will seek Him and only Him for love and acceptance. Your father and I chose a verse for your life and it is this: Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." I love you, Riley, and from the moment you came into this world I have loved you. I will never stop. Thank you for being such a pure and complete blessing. Happy Birthday.