Little Miss Riley

Why is it that when I was younger a year was a time span my mind couldn't even comprehend, but now that I am older a year is merely a blink of my eye? I remember basing a year on the length of time between one Christmas and another, and if you love Christmas as much as I do, you can remember how incredibly long it took for it to come again. Years were so much longer back then.

My little Miss Riley is turning one year old in less than ten days! I seriously have no idea how this is even possible. It really does seem like yesterday when we first brought her home. It won't be long before we're sending her off to college...

Riley is a true joy. She has the best personality out of anyone I have ever known. She makes me laugh and she is sure to put a smile on just about anyone's face. All in all she has been a happy baby and if Alex and I hadn't previously decided on only have two children, she sure would have made it easy to want a third. I remember fearing I wouldn't have enough love to give her since I thought my "love cup" was already overflowing with my love for Cale, but God truly does have the ability to grow your heart bigger and give you more love than you ever imagined possible. There are days when I go to bed missing my kids and wishing for morning to come sooner so that I can see them again. (please note: there are definitely days when bedtime can't come fast enough and morning comes way too soon!)

Riley's first year has been a roller-coaster ride. I remember going back and forth between fear and doubt on whether or not she was "normal". I still, in fact, struggle with this but it was definitely more of a battle during her first six months of life. I was constantly obsessing over if and when she was reaching her milestones, pestering Cale's therapists with constant streams of questions, and having heart-to-heart discussions with myself on why it doesn't do any good to worry. I have these heart-to-hearts with myself on a fairly regular basis. :) I've recently been struggling with Riley's newfound love with walking. It is so fun to see her toddle around and watch the look of pride on her face, but on the other hand, out of the corner of my eye I am watching Cale's reaction. My heart breaks for him knowing that he must be wondering why walking comes so easy to her when it is such a struggle for him. I pray that he doesn't get frustrated by this and that it only motivates him to reach his independence more quickly. Along this note, Riley has been so good for Cale! I was told before she was born that normal developing children are often great teachers to their siblings but I never really fully grasped that concept until I experienced it first-hand. Riley, I believe, has taught Cale many things from something as little as learning to love baths, to bigger things such as communicating and interacting with his world. I choose to believe Riley will continue to be a great teacher to her big brother until one day when Cale can hold his own. And I do believe that day will come.

All in all, Riley's first year was nothing like I had imagined. I thought I would show up at her first birthday with my hair standing on end, my face wrinkled from stress, and two different shoes on the wrong feet. Turns out I fared pretty well.

For some reason I am more emotional about her turning one than I was with Cale. I recently looked through pictures of her when she was first born and it took everything in me not to start crying. I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that she is most likely our last child and so I'm grieving over never having a newborn again, or if it's just one of the many differences I will experience with having a boy and a girl.

Girls are drama and my little Miss Riley is no exception. Drama should have been her middle name.