third time's a charm

Okay, I apologize that it's taken me five weeks to update the ol' blog.  Let it be known, however, that I have thought about posting many, many times.  I've even sat down and started to write at least a dozen different instances.  The hangup inevitably occurs when I decide to lay Cash down. <gasp!>  Yes, this baby hates to leave my arms and I must admit, I'm kind of smitten with him and so I generally try not to complain too much about his incessant need to be held.  He's content in his swing, for the time being, and so I'll try and knock out a quick update our new life as a family of five.

I think the best way to sum it up can be found in my response when a friend asked me how it was going with three kids.  My answer: I love it.

I'm not sure I was able to convey my anxiety and trepidation over his arrival very well in writing.  Before Cash was born I was scared beyond belief of what adding another child would do to our family, and more selfishly of what it would do to me.  Raising two kids is a challenge for me, especially when one of those kids requires special care that I feel like I am the only one capable of giving.  I'm terrible at asking for help and so when life gets hard I feel like I'm getting sucked under water and dragged out to sea by the undertow.  How on earth was I going to manage a newborn?

When I was in labor and my doctor told me I was at nine centimeters and almost ready to push, amidst the pain and exhaustion of labor, I remember thinking that my life was about to change; a new life was minutes away from turning my whole world upside down.  I was scared.  I was asking myself why I ever thought another child seemed like a good idea.  I was looking at Alex and thinking, "You did this to me!".  But then he was born.  And then he cried.  And after he was laid on my chest and I caught my very first glimpse at him, I was in love.  He was perfect.

Adjusting to three kids has been nothing short of amazing.  Sure, life is a bit more crazy and it takes me half the day to get ready to go anywhere, but being a mom of three could quite possibly be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.

I get asked all the time how it's going with three kids and the person asking me usually has this grimace on their face as they wait for my reply, as if I'm going to breakdown in a heap of tears and they're going to have to comfort me after I tell them how awful and exhausting it is, but then I love the look of shock on their faces after I tell them how much I love it and how wonderful it is.

I have to admit, though, I'm just as shocked as they are.  After we brought Cale home from the hospital I was completely overwhelmed and paranoid about every. aspect. of parenting..  After we brought Riley home I was a total mess and couldn't stop crying for days.  This time around, though, I'm genuinely happy and so very grateful.

I guess third time's a charm.