Dreaming New Dreams
When Alex and I first got pregnant with Cale, it was only natural to start fantasizing about what he would look like, what his first word might be, when he would learn to crawl and to walk, if he would choose golf over football or skiing over snowboarding. We dreamed pretty normal dreams for him. Cale was born two months early, though and we had no idea our dreams were going to have to change. He was in the hospital for two months and both Alex and I thought things would be fine as long as he got out of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). " If we could just have him home, then things would be okay," we thought. Well, Cale did come home and things appeared to be okay. Restless nights, crying, diapers - normal baby stuff. We always had a fear that he was different from other babies but we just thought it was because he was premature. He didn't start cooing or rolling over when he supposed to and when it came around to the time when he should have been able to sit up we knew he wouldn't start doing that either. At his six month checkup our pediatrician diagnosed him with cerebral palsy. Our dreams for him were shattered, broken into a million teeny tiny pieces, within just a few spoken words. I walked out of the doctors office with a baby I didn't even recognize. He was a different person to me and I hated myself for thinking that. All I could think about was that our time on earth is temporary and someday I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I hated myself for thinking that too. Cerebral palsy? What is that anyway?
When Alex and I first got pregnant with Cale, it was only natural to start fantasizing about what he would look like, what his first word might be, when he would learn to crawl and to walk, if he would choose golf over football or skiing over snowboarding. We dreamed pretty normal dreams for him. Cale was born two months early, though and we had no idea our dreams were going to have to change. He was in the hospital for two months and both Alex and I thought things would be fine as long as he got out of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). " If we could just have him home, then things would be okay," we thought. Well, Cale did come home and things appeared to be okay. Restless nights, crying, diapers - normal baby stuff. We always had a fear that he was different from other babies but we just thought it was because he was premature. He didn't start cooing or rolling over when he supposed to and when it came around to the time when he should have been able to sit up we knew he wouldn't start doing that either. At his six month checkup our pediatrician diagnosed him with cerebral palsy. Our dreams for him were shattered, broken into a million teeny tiny pieces, within just a few spoken words. I walked out of the doctors office with a baby I didn't even recognize. He was a different person to me and I hated myself for thinking that. All I could think about was that our time on earth is temporary and someday I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I hated myself for thinking that too. Cerebral palsy? What is that anyway?
No comments:
Post a Comment