Positive Thoughts

Okay, so my posts so far have been a bit depressing.  But like I expressed in my latest post I try so hard to be positive all of the time.  Writing about my real thoughts and emotions is hard for me but I think by not bottling everything up will be somewhat therapeutic for me.  

Life is not "bad" by any stretch of the imagination.  Most days are good.  I'm thankful for my husband and two kids.  I'm also very thankful for the group of friends we have.  My parents and in-laws have been nothing but supportive from the very beginning.  We have a lot of things to be thankful for.  

Being a mother is nothing like I thought it would be.  It's a lot harder, for one, but I also never could have imagined the amount of love I would have for my children.  The love for your child is a different kind of love that I can't really put into words.  I would give my life for my kids.  My love for Cale, though, is also a different kind of love that I can't put into words.  I remember when I got pregnant with him I prayed that he would be healthy.  I remember praying that he wouldn't have downs syndrome or some other "defect".  Sounds harsh but it's the truth.  Now, having a child with a disability, makes me realize that no matter if your child is normal or not, you will love them just the same - no more and no less.  Actually, I think I might love Cale more the way he is than if he were normal.  I suppose there's no way of proving that but that's what I believe. 

 I am so ashamed of the stares I gave to students in high school that had a disability.  I remember one student in particular that had CP.  I wasn't mean to him but I didn't reach out to him either.  I treated him like he was less than me.  Like he wasn't a part of the rest of society.  His grandparents were neighbors of ours and I remember staring at his limp and the arm that he couldn't bend.  Now I am just amazed at the fact that he could walk.  I feel very sympathetic towards his parents and all that they probably did to make his life as normal as possible.  He was a tennis star on our high school team and even managed to play church softball, even though he couldn't use one of his arms.   It makes me sad to think that people will stare at Cale and probably treat him like I treated that boy in high school.  It makes me lose a little faith in people as a whole.  But this was supposed to be about positive thoughts, right???!!!

Even though Cale is different to almost everyone around us, he's absolutely perfect to Alex and me.  If someone were to appear with a magic wand and tell me they could make Cale "normal", I truly believe I would tell them no.  I love Cale unconditionally just the way he is, and like I said before, maybe more because of it.